Bitches Ain't Shit

Liz suggested the title for today's blog posting. Couldn't think of one myself.

I've been thinking a TON lately and have wanted to write it here, in my book, on the walls but I've been super busy lately. Like...really busy. I thought it would be bad to be doing this instead of the work I needed to do - after all, isn't this blog about trying to improve myself? Getting off my butt and doing my work is an improvement, believe me.

So.

Visiting DP was good. But more than good...there aren't enough words. She was incredibly lucid the day we went to visit and Kevin said that she ate more that day than she did the entire week before. When we were talking she asked for a Rootbeer float, so my cousins and I went out and got rootbeer floats for everyone. It was bittersweet- there was a real comfort in being with DP, knowing that she was the same (despite the fact that she was trapped in her own body) yet seeing her so sick was difficult. She has such vivacity that it seems wrong to see her stuck in one spot. She gave me some advice that I will never forget. As we were leaving, she pointed at me and said, "don't let that guy get you down." At first I was confused and that she was telling my cousins that and referring to me as "that guy". But after a few seconds, I realized what she was talking about and began to cry. She Knows me so, so well. We haven't spoken in quite some time until then...and yet she can read me like a book. As my eyes watered she said, "I see that he already has. Don't let it get you down anymore." The other thing she said to me as I left was, "Love yourself."
That is a promise I intend to keep to her- if that's one small thing I can do for her, I will. If being happy is what she wants, then I will try my hardest.

I realized, when i was there (on April 7th) that I turned 18 1/2 that day. DP was the one who got me into celebrating half birthdays and I felt bad that I had forgotten that it was a "special day". She asked us if we celebrated quarters - quarter birthdays. Then she asked, "how many times can you split it? How many days are you allowed to celebrate?" She meant celebrate every day. And I intend to- after all, she did (and still is)

Among thoughts of DP, school, friends and family have been thoughts of my interaction with other people. I said before that I have problems between the border of "being tactful and nice" and "being too nice and getting stepped on". I don't plan on straddling that border anymore. So, for those of you reading this that I do see, I may say "no" to a request some time. I plan on sticking up for myself more. I'm not going to be confrontational and argument starting by saying mean but true things- I just plan to be a better friend by being honest when my friends need it. I know that sometimes all my friends want to hear is "boy that sucks. I'm sorry about your guy problems" but how much does that help them, really? When I have some advice I really think would help, I should give it, even if it hurts...right?
In any case, I need to allow myself happiness. I haven't been lately, for the ease of others. I think it needs to stop a bit. I can't carry the world on my shoulders- I chose to do it for so long, and it's not healthy for me. I need to take care of myself now.

So today is full of cross dressers- oh what Stoughton drama. If you are curious as to what I'm talking about, in case you haven't heard it on the radio or seen it all over Facebook, go ahead and ask me. It's certianly a story, but too long of one to post during a Bio Lab.

We're watching plants breathe :)

Love yourself today!