Some things you never realize

Today has been a really busy, cool day, but tonight has been best of all.

I love my family with all my heart, but if you know me, you'll understand that the four of us can't always be happy at the same time. Really, it's most often that we're not happy at the same time. I used to look at other families and say, "why don't we act like that?"
It's not that we aren't close- it's a closeness between individuals rather than a closeness when all four of us try to do something together because there's almost always fighting.

Today (although she says "I love you" all the time) my mom went beyond the usual motherly doting and really made me feel awesome about our closeness. Tonight we had a nice family dinner, and of course, as we do, not by "normal" standards. Patrick was screaming Dane Cook jokes from across the table, but my mother and father were laughing. So was I. We will never be like other families and that is ok. They love me and I love them and despite the bickering and bad moods, we'll always catch each other when we start to stumble.

I am beginning to realize there are parts of my parents I am a complete stranger too. Yes, I've heard the "your father and I met here..." story a thousand times, but until now, I haven't been acquainted with that part of their lives. The 'across the country' long distance relationship and the young love. I guess now that I am "of age", I am starting to see beyond the childhood, Hamlet-esque vision of my parent's marriage...and yet not. I see now more than ever just how much they love each other and I respect that love so, so much.

Whilst looking for an old music program in the basement, I found a file folder called "misc. CA stuff" that my dad put. It started with finding his old graduation picture (which I giggled at) then found a purple envelope with his California address with my mother's handwriting. perhaps I shouldn't have, but I read the letter my mom wrote to him, telling him that things were "too serious and that he should date other girls". She ended the letter with something along the lines of "well, I better hit the books, I've got a lot of studying to do", topped in awkwardness only by Carole Gerber's "I've got to go make a salad" in Stephen King's Hearts in Atlantis. I felt awkward just reading those words...I can't even imagine my father's feelings. Yet there is something so strong about my mother, so independent that I really admire. She was living for herself, and that is awesome. There was also a card in there from my mother thanking my father for being such a big part of her life, saying that she loves "staying up all night talking about nothing". It felt really cool to have that connection with my parents, even if they don't know I have it. Knowing that feeling of gratitude and immense luck, the comfort in really getting to Know another person.
God did amazing things in there life, as I'm sure He will do (and is doing) in my life. I know He has plans for me someday, and even though I'm not exactly sure where He'll point me for now, one day it will involve a family of my own, I am sure.

The other thing I found in there was two old pieces of paper with a poem (or song?) written in blue calligraphy. I don't know if my father wrote it, my aunt (his sister, who writes some amazing poetry) or a classmate, but it was clearly important to him. It basically sums up all of my feelings of friends and my love for them in this short time right before we are scattered to the winds. I'll put it up soon, when I get the chance to go back downstairs and look it over again.

So tonight I am at ease and happy. This really makes me want to get to know my parents more- how much else is there, tucked inside their memories? Bunches and bunches of things, I bet.

Any thoughts, readers?

With love,

Lauren Elizabeth