Today is my half birthday. This day is special not because I am nineteen and a half, but because it was Diana that constantly encouraged me to celebrate it. I remember her telling me on CFV one time that when she went to get check ups at the doctor, she still calculated her age in half years.
I was reminded of that a year ago today, when I last saw her. We were chatting with her, she was proving her lucidity by impressively listing every one of our family member's birthday's and anniversaries. And I said, "oh! I forgot, it's my half birthday today."
she smiled and asked me if I celebrated quarters. I nodded. and she said, "how many times can you split it up?" And I answered, "every day."
I'm losing my mind these days, there's so much to do, I'm going through everything like a zombie. Since living in someone else's world for a little over a week, I've wanted nothing more but to go back and live so carefreely - who cares if you're a little late? "This is Africa" was the saying. Relax. take it easy.
I don't want to stop celebrating every single day of life. She did. I miss her, so much. Every day. And I ache to think that it was a year ago today that I had to leave da woods knowing I'd never see her again in this life.
But she has given me new life, or new purpose in life. She has given me so much strength as a woman and as an individual. And now, a year later, I feel so much stronger from the gifts that she gave me. She would be proud, I think. I don't know if I ever told her how much I appreciated and looked up to her the 18 years I knew her. I hope she knows now. I feel her, everywhere I go. She is in everything, smiling down on me. I know she is a part of this great world, this great vision of love. And I am so thankful she found it.
I've been meditating lately on her last few words, and I remembered Kevin telling us this one - "wow."
I don't think any of us can say what it was she was referring to, but I think I have an idea.
