What I Want To Be

"To be alone with me, you went up on a tree. I've never known a man who loves me."

It occurs to me, I care way too much about what people think. And really, none of it matters, because someday, they will be gone. And only He remains.
What a powerful thought.

So there are a tons of things that I make SO important that really aren't. For example, who cares about my stupid Facebook profile picture? or my clothes? or any of it?
I shouldn't.

Concentrating on what's important, on resting safely in God's hands, is the most important thing. Oh, how I wish my faith would not waiver so much. Will I feel this way tomorrow? I hope so.

I will hold what I can dear to my heart, and let the rest go by as it will. I have no control over anything but my own heart. And I will sing praises until my dying day, alleluia.

In this moment, God is very real to me. I see it in the strength of others, in the love my roommate shows me by praying for me when she should be sleeping before work.

And now, I am not scared of any of the things I have to face these days. A paper is just a paper. In the end, it will be inconsequential. I've forgotten my covenant with God- serve him, he'll take care of the rest.

There is so much love inside of me, and it is all Him.

Today, I needed a reminder.

My friend had this posted on his facebook. I needed to apply it to my life today. As good as I have been doing lately (I "woke up" from my zombie like state in late February) I still need some reminders that I am desirable, I am worth loving and I will find it again.

I think after experiencing a relationship that meant a lot, that budded beautifully for a long time, I expected all of them to be that way. And while the most recent was snuffed out rather quickly, I accepted the fact that while he said "I love you" he wasn't really telling the truth. He thought he was...but he wasn't ready to say it, and I can acknowledge that without it hurting. Until I remember that I've only been loved once, and it didn't work out very well. Then I feel bad. because I can't honestly say, "I'll happen again." It didn't this time. So, here's what I need to be reminded of. Something my friend James titled "Someday, you will be loved":

I once knew a girl,
In the years of my youth.
With eyes like the summer,
All beauty and truth.
And in the moment I fled,
I left a note and it read:
"Someday, you will be loved."

You'll be loved, You'll be loved,
Like you never have known.
And the memories of me,
Will seem more like bad dreams.
Just a series of blurs,
Like I never occurred.
Someday, you will be loved.

I cannot pretend,
That I felt any regret.
'Cause each broken heart,
Will eventually mend.
And as the blood runs red,
down the needle and thread,
Someday, you will be loved.

You'll be loved You'll be loved,
Like you never have known.
And the memories of me,
Will seem more like bad dreams.
Just a series of blurs,
Like I never occurred.
Someday, you will be loved.