(Proverbial) Pins and (Literal) Needles

So winter break begins. I'm at home, feeling crummy, mentally and physically. This might be one post oozing with pity points, but at least I'm aware of it.

I find myself a larger person trying to fit into the same old shoes. I haven't been in a relationship in about a year and a half, and I've changed a lot since then. What is supposed to be different? What is supposed to feel the same?
It's been about a month that Eric and I have been dating and we're long distance till break is over. I'm ok. I remember what this feels like, and I'm alright living the day to day. What's harder, I remember, is not having the opportunities to express love in whatever way we want. Pretty much left to phone calls, email and skype. I'm trying to be easy going. Concentrate on stuff here. Know that I'm important rather than thinking, "I THINK I'm important...c'mon Lauren, you're important..."
I know I'm being ridiculous, I just don't know WHY or how to stop it. It bothers me.

I feel like I've been run over by a truck today. I got three immunizations yesterday at the doctor- 3rd HPV (FINALLY), Seasonal Flu and H1N1, which is a live virus. I bet you anything I've got a small taste of it and that's what's got me feeling so crummy. I've got the chills and a sore throat and a bit of an aching body. Then again, the aching body might be me bumping into things and having needle poked arms. They're still sore from yesterday.

In addition to boosting my immunity to a bunch of stuff I could potentially get, the doctor heard a mid-systolic click when listening to my heart yesterday. I've never had heart problems. Today I went in for lab work and had to fast 12 hours while they check my cholesterol. My dad kept covering my eyes when they were about to stick in the needle. not helpful. I put on music and let it happen, but apparently I need to stop being scared, according to dad. "It's all in your head," he said. Well duh. That's why it's a phobia. They're irrational fears. I'm already embarassed that I act like a five year old every time the word "shot" comes up.

I might have to go in next week sometime to get another lab test done, this time on my thyroid gland. Most likely, I have a heart disease called mitral valve prolapse, which is when you have excessive tissue in the Mitral valve, which weakens the leaflets preventing backflow. It shouldn't be a big deal...if it's even what I have.
Still I am unsettled to think of myself as "not healthy." I have always been healthy. I take care of my body, minus the not sleeping the last month or so. I don't put harmful substances in my body, I don't make continual poor choices in my diet...I don't understand why this is happening to me, and at the age of 20. I am only two decades old! My body and I have always been a team- the mind, the body, the spirit, all together. A mix of old, young and somewhere in the middle. And now I feel like I'm working against myself. It makes me uncomfortable.

If it's mild, it shouldn't be a big deal. There isn't even treatment. It's just something that is. However, I hate to think that years down the line this is what's going to bring me down at an earlier age.

I want answers now. I don't want to wait two weeks for a cardiogram echo. I just want to figure things out.