Do I Dare?

I could say yes and settle. I could do as my uncle Steve once said, "just give it a try because you never know until you give it a chance."

But I believe that there is a difference between being happy and being content. Maybe I read too many dramatic love stories about true love, ka (fate) , attraction as strong as gravitational pull and perfect virgin vampires. But it's what I want. (...by that I mean really strong love, not a vampire...)

I said no to a lot of guys before my last relationship. And it was worth it in the end, although I questioned my sanity at the time. Sure when I said "no" before, I wanted to be loved and I wanted love, but some intuitive force inside me knew I wasn't going to find it with any of those guys. And I don't regret waiting.
And now that I've dusted myself off after my first attempt at a serious relationship, I know I can do it again, with some minor changes in how things are going to go from now on. *smiles* And other than those minor things, I don't regret anything there either.
(Although I guess I wonder about timing, and how different I would be if I'd ended up with someone else as my first boyfriend. Still no regrets though.)

(The only thing I really regret where boys are concerned is when I put my own selfish desire to be with a guy over one of my friend's feelings. That is the shittiest thing to do to someone you love.)

But after all that, after all the growth, wonder, joy, love and heartache, I find myself in the same boat as I did when boys I didn't like "that way" were asking for me. I have to trust that God has some plan for me, that I will find the love I dream about. I don't think he'd place such a desire in me to be a mother and a wife if it wasn't supposed to happen.

I can't, I won't force myself to be with someone who I don't feel strongly for.

I'd rather take my chances on finding someone who'll give me the moon.