Forward.

I thought I would stop my here today to have a look at the last thing I wrote here. It's been awhile. Truthfully, it's been a while since I've done any writing- songs, journaling, you name it. I suppose I've been too busy actually doing.

 I stumbled across a post from last summer about being nostalgic for home. It's funny how a year later I can still feel the same way (homesick and not at all eager to grow up) and be in a totally different place. By a strange twist of fate I am now student teaching near my hometown and staying with my parents to save money. (boy, is there a stigma about living at home) What I was longing for last year is totally different now...

I don't know how to live here anymore, truthfully. I feel like I clash with my parents a lot, about really stupid things. I have a hard time feeling like an adult. Most of all, i'm lonely. Truly. I feel a little out of touch with old friends and far away from my ec ones. I don't feel welcomed back like a prodigal son (er, daughter) I feel like a burden. My parents have really enjoyed being empty nesters, I think.

I had a nice chat with a friend of mine this weekend who just finished his first year of teaching. And he said some things that really resonated with me that I will have to remember in the future(I don't know if he knows this is what I got out if it, but here's what stuck out to me):
1. Some days, it's about what you can look forward to.
2. Use your resources. Rely on those you can when you need to...because you will need to.
3. No matter what you want, things won't be the same.

I am going to need people who understand not only who I was, but who I've become. And who I want to be. I am scared of making friends in the real world. I don't really know how to make friends with those twice my age who have different life experiences than me. I dont want my job to be the only thing I'm living for, and I don't want to see a future that makes my heart sink. I am really, really scared to find out who my true friends in ec are....because what if there are a lot less than I thought.

 I read a really great quote today on a friends wall...I don't think it was a mistake that I came across it-

"One does not discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time." - Andre Gide

I am about to embark on a journey, and right now, I'm mourning the shore...but I consented to it. It is my choice to go on this journey, and that makes the transition a little better. I need to take a deep breath and set sail, because te tide is moving and swimming against it would be foolish.

 So, here's to new worlds...