Days 3 and 4

Yeah, ok, sorry. I know that since you mind so much, I'm making a joint entry.

Day 3: Talking As If You're Listeners Are Omnipresent

So this one was a real eyeopener. Not that I make a habit of talking badly about people or anything. It wasn't so much that as having raise the question, "Would this person I'm mentioning be comfortable with me talking about them to another person"
Not even bad stuff.

For example, I babysat my cousins on day 3 (which was a Saturday). They were talking about our other cousins' cute little dogs. And I told them a story about how one time, one of the dogs grabbed our cousin's underwear and dragged it around the house. The boys found this very funny, but I had to stop and think, "would our other cousin like them to know that?" In this case, I don't think she would mind, but it allowed the question to sit in the back of my head the rest of the day. What don't people want shared? Obviously, secrets are secrets and they are kept between people, but little stuff. Little embarrassing stories that no one ever says "Don't share that" about, but are still questionable when brought up elsewhere. So I guess what I'm trying to say is, you can get yourself into an interesting situation by sharing some information that perhaps wasn't expected to be shared. So I guess I'll try harder in the future to see what is appropriate to share about others and what is not.

Day 4: Only Saying Positive Things

I consider myself to be a pretty optimistic person. Generally. But wow was I surprised on day 4. I definitely did not say positive things all day. I sure did say a lot about John McCain and Sarah Palin. And knowing me, they weren't necessarily nice things.

I let myself fall into a trap of bitter ranting and I don't stop easily. Part of it was that I got a ride back to school from a friend I haven't talked with in a while. So we caught up, and she asked "Whatever happened between you and Caleb? Do you still talk?"
And that most definitely held some negatives.

Which is a problem I still wrestle with after how many months? The issue is this: If I speak positively and let go of my anger, I feel I am not justifying myself as an individual. It's saying, "Ok, he's right. He was right about everything. I am immature and it was wrong to be upset if he didn't call when he said he would."

But I don't feel like an immature person. I feel I can act immaturely, but I feel like I am so much wiser than I got credit for. And I don't want to let go of that, because what will be left of me? My decisions are made on my maturity to pass up drinking, drugs and premarital sex. If I give up on that, then what's the point?

I did learn some valuable lessons from that break up. I know that it was wrong for me to take it in as a way of self-loathing, and I know I should have said, "take me as I am instead of trying to change me" instead of, "oh, but I've been getting better at changing that for you!" Which I did say, more or less, on March 10th, 2008.
I know how my storytelling is perceived as narcissism and I've made significant steps to fix that. To improve myself for God and myself, not any one person. Trying to do stuff like I did for 4 days for the last few months. Ask questions, don't talk unless it's important, etc.

So I need to find balance in respecting myself and standing up for what I believe in without being negative about what was said and done. I take solace in Matthew 10:5-14

Jesus sent them out with the following instructions:
"As you go, preach this message: 'The kingdom of heaven is near'.
Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse those who have leprosy, drive out demons. Freely you have received, freely give.
Do not take along any gold or silver or copper in your belts;
Take no bag for the journey, or extra tunic, or sandals or a staff; for the worker is worth his or her keep.
Whatever town or village you enter, search for some worthy person there and stay in that house until you leave.
As you enter the home, give it your greeting.
If the home is deserving, let your peace rest on it; if it is not, let your peace return to you.
If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, shake the dust off your feet when you leave that home or town.

So those are my thoughts on a 4 day journey.