Funny Feelings.

I've always had issues with leaving things behind. And yeah, as much as I've been all "change is good, becoming someone better, blah blah blah" there are still parts of my life I have a hard time leaving behind.

Facebook is a terrible way to spend time. Things come up on mini-feed and you can read anything you want about anyone. So sometimes I browse, check up on people I haven't seen in a long time and I ended up browsing profiles of my best friends from middle school. And I remember who I used to be. I was immature, loud, obnoxious, opinionated and most of my class hated me, but at least I wasn't trying to be anything. I think. If I remember correctly, although nostalgia can be blinding.

And I changed a lot in high school. I started pleasing people more, but people liked me more. And I liked being liked. And it wasn't as if I wasn't being real- those people got to know the silly, crazy, loud, opinionated side of me too. But I changed. I was different. And I was more concerned about what other people thought.

I wonder if my friends from middle school think I'm a sell out. I'm sure they think I'm a fool, getting all wrapped up in high school drama, trying so hard to make other people happy. I feel like maybe I lost a complete part of myself, or buried it at least. And I do care what they think, and I do miss them. I'm sad that I missed out on the things that made them who they are. And I wonder if things are going to be like that with my closest friends now, if we'll drift that way in college. It hasn't happened yet, which I'm thankful for.

Overall, I have a positive outlook on who I am. Yes, I have some qualms with myself, but I think I'm a good person. I like who I am. I think I would want to be friends with me.
But then sometimes I wonder if I should. Like, there's always that asshole in that one movie who thinks he's the coolest, and then he realizes that everybody doesn't really like him and he goes on some exponential change in personality to make it happen and everything is great. (i.e. The Family Man and every other movie with that story line) So I hope I'm not that guy...or girl, rather.