Counting Blessings

Down the Line on a brand new Ipod really does make for a good mood.

Sometimes I wake up from my Hamlet-esque teenage melancholy to see that I'm on the right track with some things. I'm not going to sit here and list all of the amazing stuff I have in my life: to do that would take days. I have so many good things that are great blessings. But that's not what I'm talking about right now.

What I'm talking about is recognizing steps in making myself a better person. This blog is called Project: What I Want to Be for a reason. I'm trying to work through all the things I am and all the things I aspire to be.

Ultimately, my aspiration is to be the best servant of God that I can be, and do as He wishes me to do. I want to serve people and do good.

How to get there is still in question, but I think I'm piecing it together. I don't think "who am I?" is the right question to ask. I mean, what makes a personality?
Your temporal lobe? The people you surround yourself with? What you eat, read or wear? What you love? All of them? Or then there's "They say that what doesn't kill us makes us who we are", thank you Justin Pierre.

I just don't think that's the right question for me because I'm not sure if there is a huge discovery point I'm going to find. I don't really know if I'll wake up one day in college and say "Eureka! I AM me! I've found myself!"
I know a lot of people are affected by their peers in high school and whatnot, so that in college most people "find themselves" because they are more independent. I can honestly say that I am strong enough to be myself even with peer pressure. I think you could ask either of my parents, and they will tell you that I've been an individual since age 2. I don't feel the need to be "found", unless I'm lost without knowing it *grins*

I've never been too fond of society & rules & all that rot. I remember when I was nine years old, I got paint all over my very stylish windpants painting for a class project. My mom was really upset with me because I had to go to voice lessons right after school & I didn't have time to change my clothes. She cared what people thought of me if they saw me show up in Drums & Moore in dirty windpants. I remember I kept asking her, "what's the big deal? so what if I have a little gray paint on my pants? I thought you told me not to care what other people thought of how I looked!"
The point of that story is this: To hell with society! To hell with impressions based on appearance! I don't think that my individuality and "finding myself" has to start in college. I'm sure a lot of stuff will change when I'm on my own and in a new environment, but hear me well:
I love myself. I think I have good morals and a good head on my shoulders. I don't do things unless I want to. I don't need one or many people to like me for me to like myself. I am confident that my big heart will take me places. I may not be in college yet, but that does not make me any less of a force to be reckoned with. I know what I am today, and one day at a time is good enough for me.

Granted, there are things I'm not completely happy with, but feeling bad about them or rejecting them is a step in the wrong direction. Whilst blog hopping the other day, I read something on the subject that really stuck:
"perhaps the only way we can ever move past our darkness is to embrace it, admit it, bring light to it. in doing so, don't we change ourselves? accepting others and ourselves for who we are allows us to become something new, allows us to come into the light."
Kudos and thanks to Jeremy

And that's exactly what I'm talking about. So often we all think of our flaws as something ugly. We are not perfect- we can find perfection only in imperfection in this world. For a long, long time, I thought I hated parts of me because they weren't good enough. But how can I ever love and accept myself if there are things I'm "trying to fix"? I will not let this acceptance of flaws act as an excuse for not doing well on something, but I know now that I can never work as a whole unit of a person if I don't love every part of me. Even the "bad stuff" that other people don't like.

So here's the lesson of the day kids: Please don't demand change out of other people. Change will come on its own accord. When someone you love tells you to change, it's the worst feeling ever. Believe me. Acceptance is the FIRST step of change. Just be patient.

Peace and Love to you all! And for goodness sakes, say a little something! Comment whore or not, I want to hear other people's opinions!