All You Need Is Love

And as much as I've been questioning all of my beliefs this week, this one still stands.

I've been questioning how I feel about love, marriage, dating, relationships, boys, girls, all of that stuff. I've been having a difficult time picking my brain apart. There's a lot of different things I want right now.
But one thing occurred to me.

I wanted a boyfriend in middle school. I wanted to know what it was like. Freshman year, two of my close friends started dating. I don't know if I've ever really told them, but their relationship was really cool. They were really close friends. Physical wasn't as big of an issue as emotions and thoughts and feelings.
And I saw their relationship and told myself that I would settle for no less than that kind of love. Not that I wanted to put my blinders on, but I knew I wouldn't take the initial dive into a relationship unless I knew I could grow close to that person.

I waited, turned people down and finally found it. The waiting paid off and I experienced something so great and so worth it. I'm in the transition period right now, and I hate to admit, I've been bitter. I've been thinking things like, "was it worth it? was it worth the shitty way I feel now? Was it worth feeling that way to lose it?" and I go back and forth. I think the answer is yes, and then the heartache kicks in and I hate myself for changing so much for him.
On Saturday, someone told me that they admired my relationship with Caleb while we were in high school, and my mind floated to how I felt about Claire & Kevin's relationship. And I Know that what I experienced was worth it.

Maybe that's how love works. It weaves its way from person to person, touching people you don't even know. Inspiring people to be who they are and be confident that they will find someone who fits them, who gets them, who makes them stronger.

I was thinking about dating this summer for the hell of it. Or at least to prove to myself that I could move on. I don't need to do that. All I need is to love myself, and that will always be enough.