For A Pessimist, I'm Pretty Optimistic

A song by Paramore that you should listen to. Really puts things in perspective.

I'm learning to follow "Hakuna Matata" and put the past behind me. I'm learning to realize that we all make mistakes and we learn from them. But it is very, very upsetting when you find yourself wondering why the hell you put so much effort, care and love into something that was going to die.

One of my closest friends tried to make a show happen this summer. The rest of the cast (including me) didn't put into it what she put into it. And it died. It died because we didn't put in the love and effort and care that she did. And she suffered.

Now I know how she feels.


This entire time, I thought it just didn't work, even though we tried. Now I'm starting to think that I was the only one trying for a while. I was the one willing to make it work, trying to make it work. If it's any different, it sure would come as a suprise to me.

Man, I swear I was over the hill of this. I am moving forward, moving on, but I guess little stuff still hurts like hell when you pour salt in it. I put all that stuff away...but I didn't throw it away. I am almost to the point where I don't care about any of it anymore...yet it still hurts to think of all of my things as gone, thrown away or burned up. I've seen it happen before, and I guess I wouldn't be suprised if it happened to me.

I thought I said everything I needed to say. I thought I knew everything I needed to know.
But I don't know anything anymore.

And in the words of Avenue Q, there's a fine, fine line between love and a waste of time.