Something Brewing

I've been restless lately. That's the best way I can think to describe it. I feel the need to write, create, do. I've got energy and I want to use it in a positive way. I feel like I am wasting my summer away. It has gotten a little better, now that I've started working more.
(Oh, and I had my final tests in lifeguarding today, and I am now certified to guard people's lives.)

I've been having really deep discussions with a friend of mine lately, who continues to encourage me to step out of my box and do something exciting. I have always been a rule following, "think of the consequences" kind of person. I always dip my toes in before jumping.

Am I enjoying life? Am I living the way I'm supposed to?

I'm not saying I want to put myself in a dumb, dangerous situation. I need to start thinking for myself. I make so many decisions to avoid conflict and make other people happy. In one of my long conversations with my friend I asked, "what is it you want most right at this moment?"
The question was then turned on me. I said, "I want to stay happy." What I meant by it was, 'I'm happy now, and I want to stay this way for awhile'

I got, "you can't always be happy" in reply. So I turned the question in its original direction and then got, "something unexpected" in reply.

Maybe I should be wishing for that too. It could be what I need. There's a lull in the way I've been living. I think I need to start making moves I wouldn't normally make, to explore and to learn. I've always been cautious. And in 50 years, what will I have to show for it?

I like battle scars.

p.s. I'm starting to feel alive again. Parts of me that were lost are coming back, and I am not as scared as I used to be. I think that deserves honorable mention.