Potential

As individuals, we can be whatever we want to be. The power to change our attitudes, our thoughts and our behavior is up to us.

I know what I want to change, I just don't know how.

This evening I became very very frustrated with myself. It started with something miniscule; one of my fellow actors being overly rude and pushy about a certain scene, but it lead to so much more. I was reminded of how just last week I had sat with this person through tears and discussion as a friend.
I understand good days/bad days, but this is constant. And not just from that one person, from everyone.

I feel like people take me for granted, use me for whatever makes them feel good and then leave. People don't appreciate how much I'd rather concentrate on my own problems than help them solve theirs. I would really, really love to have someone ask me about how I'm feeling about DP. I would really love for someone to ask me how I'm doing instead of me always asking them if I can help them with their problems. I feel like I give and give and give and love and love and love and I don't get much back.

People don't realize that some days, I'm the one that needs a hug, or a friend.

And I guess unless I stick up for myself in some way, this is never going to change. People are going to continue to take advantage of me and my good nature and think it's alright. Sure they appreciate me for awhile, and on occasion it gets paid back, but the scales are not even. I am giving a lot more than I am taking.

But how do I tell not just one friend but quite a few friends that I feel this way? That I want people to stop putting me down just because they're crabby and take some time to listen to what I'm really trying to say.

During the show I wrote "Get me the fuck out of here" on my leg. I just want to leave & go to college, hoping I can start over and get a little respect. If I don't find respect there, I don't know what I'll do.